


That Gay Shit *Phan*

by TheAlmightyGayWarrior2021



Series: That Gay Shit [1]
Category: dan and phil, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Baddie, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Cute Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell - Freeform, Developing Friendships, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Panic, LGBTQ Character, Lesbians, Love, M/M, POV Lesbian Character, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Useless Lesbians, YouTube, Youtuber - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlmightyGayWarrior2021/pseuds/TheAlmightyGayWarrior2021
Summary: Sequel Up NowDan and Phil are having... issues. After a blossoming friendship between two other female YouTubers, Jay and Joci, Phil starts developing feelings for one of them. Dan, being left in the dark, falls deeper into the hole with no one there to catch him. After several months of Jay and Phil's relationship, Dan and Phil become distant and learn to resent each other, until one does something they'll regret.---It's a quick read--*LANGUAGE*BoyxBoyGirlxGirl---The story is better than the summary, I promise.I don't own that cover photo





	1. GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

**Author's Note:**

> YALL. Once again, just like all my other stories, I wrote this when I was 11. It's super awful and cringy but it's good enough for me to share. This one actually is already completed, but I'm gonna space out the chapters to keep yall waiting. There's a sequel as well, and it's good as hell and not quite done. I don't really watch Dan and Phil anymore except for the Sims videos, but I still love this fic.

"Sup A-holes" was the opening line of our video. I tried my best not to start laughing and mess it up, but I let out a little chuckle and put my head down, looking back up a few seconds later as I moved my hair out of my face.   
"Alrighty then." I smiled. We did the rest of our intro, before continuing on with our video.

Joci is my best friend. We started doing YouTube together when we were in the eighth grade, and now we're both 21 and living in an apartment together in southern California. Internet famous. She looked over at me and winked, before looking back at the camera and explaining the video we were doing today... Another Omegle tag. Fuck. I logged onto my computer and pulling up the website. "What should our tags be?" She shrugged, "Do 'Jayci' and let's see."

She smiled as we waved hi to fans, making strange jokes to each other back and forth and eventually ending our video. I stood and stretched. "I'm having coffee with Connor later, wanna come?" I asked, walking over to my drawers and pulling out a pair of ripped, high-waisted jeans and a black unsleeved crop top. She shook her head, no, and I nodded back, walking to the door and waving goodbye to her before grabbing my keys and walking out the door. Maybe thirty to thirty-five minutes later I arrived at the cafe via Uber and sat down at a table with him. He smiled and handed me my coffee drink that he had already ordered.   
"What's goin' on? " He smiled. I matched his smirk and sipped my coffee.

"Nothing much... still being super, super closeted by my own useless self," He sighed and took my hand and gave me a pouty lip.

"Baaaaaaaabe... Are you still... questioning everything? Orrrrr do you need help? Orrrrr" I sighed. 

"Nah, I'm fine... I know I'm a useless bisexual, nothing new. I guess I'm just scared of what my mom will say, you know how she is." He giggled and then continued to tell me about the new guy he was seeing. I was zoned out, staring at the door. The bell rang and in walked in a beautiful, bright white chocolate bundle of sunshine. I felt my breath hitch, and I slammed my hand down on the table before sinking down in my chair, face bright red and body tensed. He almost spit out his latte in surprise. "OhmygodohsweetjesusConnorlookatthedoor," I said, and him, speechless, turned. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Phil! Hey! What're you doing in /California/?" Dammit, Connor! I started screaming into my sleeve. Phil smiled and walked over, " Dan and I are on tour again... We're just stopping here to get coffee. He's still on the bus... Oh, hello, I don't believe we've-" He stopped when we looked at each other, making eye contact. He smiled a little brighter and my face went red with embarrassment. He was pretty... Like, really pretty. I'd been watching Phil since before I even started YouTube, and sweet lord baby Jesus he's so much prettier in person. I continued to breathe violently into my arm. He giggled, and Connor rolled his eyes.

"Phil, this is Jay. She's ½ of TrashTacular,"   
Phil nodded. "I know, I watch her videos... " I blushed harder and sat up.

"Y-you watch me?"

"Yeah... all the time, and... I've kinda developed a bit of a crush on you. Not gonna lie," I made an inhuman sound. Connor smirked and continued to sip his drink.

"Aaaaaand Jay would be just /delighted/ to accompany you on a date later... say, eight o'clock? Meet at 'The Cap'?" Phil nodded and looked down at me again. "Are you okay with that?" I nodded and Phil said his goodbyes, Connor giving him my number. As he walked out I looked over at the rainbow child sitting in front of me. He gave me a smile and stood up, walking out of the coffee shop, knowing his work was done. I sat there, dumbfound, before standing up and walking home. I opened the door to my apartment, I saw Joci at the counter, a bun in her hair and in an SPN sweater and leggings, cuz what else would she be in. She had her glasses on, and a bowl of cereal in front of her. She waved hello, her sleeve over her palm as her mouth was filled with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I sat down next to her, slowly turning to look at her, my body shaking.

"Joci...." She looked concerned still chewing. "I-I'm going on a date tonight." She grinned with her mouth closed, quickly flapping her arms around like a seal. "Wed hoo?" She chewed.

"Phil Lester" and then there was cereal everywhere. She did a spit take; cinnamon, chewed doe and milk spewed from her mouth and all over the counter and her clothes. "WHAT?!?" She screamed, and I nodded quickly, making screeching sounds with my bright red face. She screeched back. "No way. I don't believe it. Nope. Not at all." She yelled, basically vibrating with excitement. Just then, my phone 'dinged' and we made eye contact, before both racing to check the notification. I looked down, and it was an unknown number.

[Hey, Jay! It's Phil, Connor gave me your number... Sorry if I'm creepy] Then it ended with the monkey face-palm emoji. I looked at her and screeched. "Hoooooooly crap. Joci what do I wear? We're going to a dang coffee shop and I don't know what to wear. You're good at being a girl. I need help." She nodded and dragged me to the bedroom.

*Cue dramatic "Devil Wears Prada" changing monologue where they go through the entire clothing rack looking for an outfit*

"Perfect, awesome, great, super, fantastic, amazing. Joci this took us two hours." I chuckled, and she facepalmed. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii-"

I cut her off. "Okay... So... What now? I have so much adrenaline" I attempted to do a toe touch and hurt myself, bending over and doing a squat, adjusting to the jeans. She smiled. "You're so preeeetty." I looked up at her with my wonderful Snapchat selfie face (you know the one), and she chuckled.

My phone 'dung' again, and she let out a battle cry before sprinting into the kitchen. Probably the most running I've ever seen her do. She tackled my phone off the counter and read the text. It was from Phil.

{Phil}

[HI FRIEND, FOE, FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW THIS IS DAN I STOLE PHILS PHONE BECAUSE ITS ONLY RIGHT DAD GETS TO MEET THE GIrl HiS SON Wiwl MARRY! SOERRY IM RUNNING AND TEXTING HE:S CHASING ME I LIKE YOUR VIDEOS]

She laughed and showed me the text after I caught up with her. She was panting and pulling her shirt back and forth to bring air to her face. I smiled at the text, and seconds later a new one came in.

{Phil}

[TExt me aAT *number* SO I CAN MEET YOU I LIKE YOUR VIDEOS PLZ MARRY THIS BOY HE NEEDS IT PLWz] I laughed, and put the number in my phone, then gave it to Joci who was practically dying of excitement and exhaustion from all the sprinting of ten feet.

[Dan HowDaddy]

{Dan its Jay. I'm actually screaming right now you have no idea how amazing it is to finally meet you!... ish. And did you just admit to being Phil's dad?]

The response came just as quick.

[Heckelz yeah...] I smiled and Joci did too. "God I hate you. But I love you. But I really hate you. Get it good on this date or I swear." I smiled and leaped out the door.

\----Joci's POV----

Fuck I love her. And, prior to contrary belief, not as a friend. I'm /in/ love with her. I have been since high school. She was dating this girl named Brie, and I was dating my prior boyfriend, Elliott. We were at a Halloween party at someone's house - I can't remember whose - and we were dressed as Dean and Castiel (I was Cas, duh) from Supernatural. A slow song came on, and "Dean" stole me away from Elliott, who was dressed as Meg. We laughed, dancing, if you could even call it that, in a small, flail like way. She put her hands around my waist and I wrapped my arms around her neck. Of course, at the time, all of this was platonic, but... As we continued to dance, I realized I didn't love who I thought I had loved. I continued to gaze at her, and then I realized... That was our Sophomore year of high school... so about 5 or 6 years ago. She's younger by a few months, but... I still love her. More than I have anyone else.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda jealous of Phil. He's got Dan, he's got YouTube, he's got the money, and... He's got her. And he's had her for a while. She's always loved him. Idolized, more or less. She walked right out the door, and it's my fault I didn't tell her I loved her sooner. Now she's gonna run off with the hot British guy, get married, have babies- Nah I'm just fuckin with ya. She hates kids... always has. But, still. Phil has always had her.

I thought about it a bit and finally decided to text Dan, maybe we could become friends. It was crazy to me that I could be friends with Daniel Howell. It's also crazy thinking I couldn't be... He's just a person.

{Hey Dan, sorry for just texting you out of the blue, but Jay gave me your number before she left with Phil. Its Joci McNabb from TrashTacular.} My heart was racing, but why? Like I told myself, he's just a person!

After a while of no answer, I gave up hope and walked back into the kitchen to clean up my deep-throat cereal. I scrubbed the floor, the milk already dried after several hours of no clean-up. 'Why didn't I just say I liked her in high school?' I said, scrubbing viciously. 'I don't wanna mess up our relationship, but it would be nice to just /kiss her/. Just. ONCE!' I realized I stopped cleaning and was just sitting up against the cabinets. I heard the 'ding' of my phone and sighed, figuring it was just Connor or maybe even Ricky.

[Dad]

{Ohmehgawd hi, I'm so so sorry i didn't respond sooner, I was crying in the shower because my baby's all grown up. Anywhoo, whats up? Wanna Face-Time or something I'm making food and it'll be easier.}

I froze and looked in the mirror. "Shit."

\---Jays POV---

"And then Dan said, 'Phil, that's not your houseplant!'" And we laughed. I sipped my tea and continued to listen to him as he waved his arms dramatically like the beautiful sunshine he is. "You know? You have really pretty lips... That was a bit weird, sorry" He giggled, and looked down at his galaxy button-up t-shirt. I smiled and blushed. "You have nice lips, too... Wherever they are." I laughed

"Heyyyyy" He laughed. I beamed up at him, his alluring blue eyes shining cordially at me like I was something... special. Like he saw me as something other than a normal girl. I stared back, unamused by his lack of blinking. I smiled. "Is this a staring contest now?"

"Will you go out with me?"

I was stunned. "W-what?" his eyes widened before going back down to their original sizes. "I-I'm sorry, I was just-" I cut him off

"Don't... I'd... Love to. Yeah..." I smiled, and so did he.

\----Joci----

"He did /not/." I laughed, and Dan held up a finger, laughing to himself before continuing.

"And then I said, Phil! That is /not/ your houseplant!" And we laughed. Dan was fun. We'd been on the phone, face-timing each other for close to an hour and a half. He got my mind off everything, but I still couldn't help letting my mind return to the subject of Jay. He noticed my offish stature, and raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?" I shook my head, yes, and smiled. He edged me on. "Jociiiiiii" I sighed.

"Okay, okay! Fine. I... fuck this is so awkward, but... Um... i-i'm... I'm gay. Like, as hell. And... I'm... kinda, sorta, maybe, possibly in love with my best friend," He was stunned, then broke out into a little giggle, putting his hand under his chin to keep his head balanced.

"Really?" he asked, still grinning. "I never would have thought."

I sighed, my body physically relaxing seeing he wasn't disgusted... course, why would he be?

"I have a secret for you too... " I smiled and he blushed, sitting up straight and adjusting his fringe. I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh do you now?" He rolled his eyes, and I moved a stray piece of hair behind my ear, adjusting my computer on my lap before edging him on to tell me.

"..... I'm kinda gay too."

I jolted, sitting up really straight and placing my feet thoroughly on the carpet of my bedroom floor, staring at him with my mouth open. "Okay, I'm not, like, gay-gay, but... I'm bi. As practically known by the fandom. It's good to know I'm not the only one with a crush on my roommate," He laughed, unaware of what he said before his eyes went wide.

"Nonono you didn't hear that,"

"Oh, but I did hear that. Daniel James Howell you cheeky little bitch!" I laughed, internally fangirling. I screeched and fidgeted a bit. "You like Phil! Oh my god thank you. Thank you God- You are real!-" He rolled his eyes and let out a breath.

"Okay, maybe I do like him a little... But you can't tell him! Or i will tell Jay you're in love with her. Deal?"

I nodded my head. "Deal." After awhile of small conversation, it suddenly became awkwardly quiet.

"So why Jay?" I snapped to attention. "I mean... What about her makes you love her?"

\--Jay--

After the date basically finished, he walked me home and we talked some more on the way. I opened the door, and I was halfway inside when he grabbed me by my hand. I turned to look at him, and I heard Joci coming down the hallway, talking to someone. I figured she was just on the phone with her mom, so I welcomed Phil inside and out of the cold. He smiled, and we looked at each other for a second before he kissed me.

I was stunned, but... I went with it. His lips were soft, and warm... welcoming, almost. I kissed back, dropping my phone and bag before putting my hand on his cheek, deepening the kiss. It lasted for quite awhile. Everything was silent for some reason... then I saw Joci.

\--Joci--

"There's just, I don't know, something about her. I don't know what it is... Maybe it-" The front door opening cut me off. 'She must be home' I thought. I smiled, knowing she'd love to meet Dan. I stood, taking my laptop with me.

"Where you headed fam?" He said, moving his head around on the screen.

"I'm going to give you a house tour," I said, turning the camera away from me and making it so Dan could see what I saw.

"This is our hallway... that's me and Jay at our first Vidcon," I pointed it towards a photo on the wall. "There's the bathroom, then if we go a little further it's the kitchen, living room and the... front... door." I stopped, just by the base of the hallway to see Jay mouth-dating a British kid. Both me and Dan were quiet. I felt myself becoming kinda flustered, and realizing Dan was seeing everything too, I spared him and turned the camera back around to face me. He was pale...er, and looked disappointed.

"Alrighty then... I like your interior design by the counter, makes the whole room 'pop'" Dan said sarcastically. 

I looked back down at the screen and smiled. I looked up at the two again a few seconds later, realizing they had stopped. Jay was giggling slightly and was bright red.

"Wanna meet Phil?" she asked me, and I rolled my eyes. "Wanna meet Dan?" I retorted. She looked confused, and I turned the computer back around. Both of them smiled.

"Hi, Dan!" Phil waved, and Dan waved back. "Hi Phil, how was your date?"

"Good, I like her, we're dating now."

\---Dan---

Fuck.

\---Joci---

Dammit.


	2. More Gay Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just so bad 12-year-old me is so cringy. I literally had to take the word "bean" out of this chapter about 14 times.

\--Joci--

I left the scene quickly, walking back to my room after being forced to meet Phil. Who am I kidding, I wasn't forced, he's my idol. I loved every second of the conversation I had with him, even if it wasn't a lot... and under the circumstances. I closed the door and locked it, sitting down on my bed. Both me and Dan letting out a small huff. "Well, that sucked." He said, and I nodded.

"They're dating... I cannot believe they're dating. I'm happy for them, I am, but I just... I don't know, it kinda bothers me," He spoke, and put his head down on his crossed arms, relaxing on the table. I agreed with him, it bothered me, too... why does he get her? Why is he so special? I realized I was blowing this all out of proportion. It wouldn't last long, it wouldn't... Phil has to go back to London with Dan in a few days, they'll break up because long distance relationships never work out, and Zing-Zang-Zop everything will be back to normal. I couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What if they don't break up? What if Phil ends up moving to America and they get married? Dan will be crushed, not just because of them getting hitched, but, inevitably that'd be the end of Dan and Phil... he'd lose his best friend to a girl.

No, who am I kidding? Phil would never move to America over a girl... Dan wouldn't let him. As much as Phil tries to deny it, he would be fucked without Dan. He would be alone... Phil hates to be alone. It's just not the way Phil works. He's not Phil without Dan, and Dan isn't Dan without Phil. And somehow, Jay and I are the same way. We're more than best friends, she's apart of me. Hopefully, she won't make a mistake and fuck everything up. I could never stay mad at her, though, no matter what she does she's still my best friend.

I realized Dan was just staring blankly at the space in front of the computer. "Dan," He moved his eyes up to me, "What're you thinkin' about?"

"Nothing just... the inevitability about the consequences of their relationship.." I nodded.

"Don't think about it, Dan... It's partially my fault. I made her look as hot as she did for the date,"

He looked up at me. "No, it was my fault, I gave him dating advice,"

"And what the hell do you know about dating, Mr. Howell?" he laughed.

"Apparently a lot because they're dating now... I told him to do some key-things which he probably did, getting him the ending prize in the process... I also helped him get ready, that's why he's wearing my snaz-tastic shirt."

*Flashback*

"Daniel I have news!" I turned, looking Phil up and down before meeting our eyes. He was fidgety, and grinning like a madman. I closed my laptop and looked around our hotel room for a place to set it atop before deciding on just keeping it on the bed in front of me.

"Whats up?"

"I have a date... with a girl," My eyes widened and I sat up straighter.

"Wow, um, okay.. First of all, bring it down, like three notches, and secondly, Phil Lester! Who in their right mind thought you were attractive enough for dating material? Please tell me she's under forty and over eighteen," I laughed.

He let out the little chuckle that he does and nodded. "Yes, she's 21... It's Jay from TrashTacular."

I was surprised, honestly. Out of every girl he could possibly have run into, he just happens to run into a Youtuber. I felt a spark of jealousy, and I started fiddling my fingers in the pocket of my sweatshirt. "Oh... o-okay... Well, go get ready." He nodded and went to his suitcase, pulling out a pair of black jeans and a button up shirt, along with a tie. I raised an eyebrow. "Are you taking her to Paris? Phil, just put on a t-shirt and be done with it. Then I'll help you with your hair or something." I pulled my phone back out and started scrolling through Instagram.

"None of my t-shirts are clean, Dan! Eeerrrgggg I've barely ever been on a date before. I'm going to mess it up! She's gonna hate me. Heeeeeelp." I sighed and stood up.

"Calm down dude," I said. "Take a breath, and I'll help you. We're the same size, just take one of my shirts." I walked over to my own suitcase, pulling out my galaxy llama t-shirt and throwing it at him. He dropped it, of course. "Now," I started. "I'll help you with your lady troubles... and your hair, Jesus tits." I walked into the bathroom, grabbing a straightener and a comb before walking back out to the main bedroom area.

Phil was there. Shirtless, and only in boxers. I felt my cheeks flush red before walking to the desk, plugging in the straightener and waiting for him to finish dressing. "A warning would have been nice, Phil." He smiled and sat in the desk chair, now fully clothed. I waited for the straightener to heat up, pulling the comb slowly through Phil's hair. "So Phillies got a daaaate"

"Oh hush," He smiled.

"Nope. And because I'm your wonderful [heterosexual] friend who knows everything you need to know about females, I'm gonna help you get that hoe." HAHAHAHHAha I said I was hetero.

"Thank you, Dan." he started. "But I will correct you on one thing, she is not a hoe. She's a beautiful lady."

"A lady you've got a steaming hot crush on,"  
"No!" He laughed and put his face in his palms. "It's not a "crush", it's... A completely appropriate and consensual adult relationship. Yup." I rolled my eyes.

"Phil. Have you seen her videos? Have you seen our videos? This relationship is not normal. You are not normal, and neither is she. That's why it's gonna work out." I said, slightly hesitant to say the last part. I love Phil. Not as a partner, but as a friend. He's my best friend. I've always wanted what's best for him, even if it's not the right choice for me. Even if we don't end up together, because, well, he's straight, I'll always be there for him. I want to help him, and make sure he doesn't fuck anything up, or hurt himself... or... anything like that. I know when I was a kid, or really an adult, too. Up until I was eighteen I never had a best friend, so I was lonely, and being alone all the time took its tole. Only skinny-jeans and long sleeves for me. Sure, I had my brother, but Adrian was younger, and he had his own friends, even a girlfriend at one point, too.

Phil's... a wonderful human being. He's a literal ray of sunshine. He doesn't curse, fight, yell, he's not violent, and he cares about people... truly, he does. He's not the type of person that has resentment for anyone. Even if you've killed his puppy he'll ask about your day and make sure everything is going okay. I love Phil Lester. He's the type of person you can't help but love.

"Okay, so," I started, putting down the comb and grabbing the straightener. I pulled back a piece and put the hot iron on it, moving it slowly and watching as it matted his hair. I looked up, realizing there was a mirror in front of the desk. How did I not see that before? Phil was staring at me but quickly looked down once I looked up. Coincidence? I hope not. I smiled down at him. "Alright, how's about we break this awkward silence and talk a bit. What do you wanna know about dating Philly-boo."

"How do I make myself comfortable? First dates are awkward... I wanna make it seem like I'm talking to you and not a... stranger."

aaaaWWWWWWWWW

I smiled down at him, shaking my head a tad and finishing up his hair, unplugging the straightener and putting my hands on his shoulders. "You're gonna do great... stop worrying about it. She'd have to be an idiot to not love a guy like you."

He looked back up at me in the mirror. "Help me... What do I say?"

I pulled up the other desk chair and sat next to him, facing him. "Start the night off by talking about her. Ask about her day, her youtube channel, and find some things you can relate to her with. Ask her about Joci, a very important person in her life. Some girls find it awkward to talk about themselves, so she'll probably ask some questions about you, too. Just... be you, I guess. I know it sounds cheesy, but the Phil I know and love is one of the greatest human beings in the world," He looked up at me.

"You're a dork."

"But I'm your dork," I said, standing straight up and walking to the bed and sitting on the end of it. I sighed, knowing if he didn't do it, she sure would. "Phil when was the last time you kissed someone?"

He looked up, confused. "What do you mean?"

"When was the last time you kissed someone? I mean what I said, so when?" He blushed, and I laughed.

"Like, two or three years ago, I think," I was shocked, honestly. You wouldn't think a guy like him would get so little action. "Why?" He asked.

"Kiss her after the date... with her consent, of course." He nodded.

"But I'm rusty... what if she thinks I'm weird, or sloppy?" Oh god... should I?

I'm gonna do it. "So then kiss me, and I'll tell you if you're a crusty rusty hoe." His eyes widened, and he seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"But I'm straight"

\---Phil---

HAHAHHAHAHA

\---Dan---

"But I'm straight" he started, "A-and so are you!"

LOLOLOLOLOL

I smiled, such a small boy, I thought. "Phil. It's not like it's for real. It's just... a test, I guess. Just kiss me. It's not a big-"

Holy shit he's kissing me.

\--Phil--

"It's not a big-" I rolled my eyes, cutting him off. I grabbed him by the base of his neck and moved him forward, locking my lips with his and closing my eyes. The kiss got softer, and more meaningful after a few seconds... meaning he was kissing me back.

It didn't stop. He... isn't pulling away, and... neither am I. I found myself wrapping my arms around his torso, nothing but quiet around us. I know for a bloody fact I'm not straight, or at least I do now. I'm gay. One hundred and ten-percent homo. He still isn't pulling away. It's been around twenty seconds, and neither of us has ended it. I felt him breathing through his nose... Damn his lips are soft. He's really good at kissing. I wouldn't mind doing this again.

Wait. But he's straight. Though, the way he was so eager for me to kiss him kinda puts a dent in his shield of hetero. I can't help but find myself wanting more for us, though. I mean, I love Dan. With everything I have I love Dan, but, I don't think I love him... in /this/ way.

\---Dan---

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

\--Phil--

I reluctantly pulled away, my heart rate beating faster and what feels like a hand around my throat. He cleared his throat and looked at me. "Well... uh... good job." Oh my god, he's so red. It's kinda cute, not gonna lie. He looked down at his phone. "Shit, Phil, it's already almost 8, you have to leave. Gogogogogogogogoogog." He pushed me out the door. "Good luck, mate. Snag that sassy lassy." And he shut the door.

*End of flashback*

\--Joci--

"Holy shit you kissed him!"

"No, he kissed me."

"No, you can get on your knees and suck my dick. You guys kissed! Holy shit."

He kinda scream-laughed into his hands, "I said "good job", Who the FUCK says "good job" after a kiss? That's it I'm killing myself." I laughed.

"So how was the kiss? Was it awesome? Did you like it?" 

"....Yeah... A lot more than I should have... Fuck."

"Whats wrong?"

"I think I'm in love with Phil Lester."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a kudos or something, you'd be surprised how much it helps the story grow.


	3. Bundles of Queer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's short

*Jay*

After Phil eventually left I went and took a shower, grabbed some sweats, put my hair in a ponytail and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a chocolate brownie and cookie dough Ben and Jerry's ice cream, popcorn, and a whole bunch of other unhealthy stuff. I made my way back down our carpeted hallway and knocked at her door, the food (and spoons) in hand.

"Joci? Are you okay... You seemed... upset. I have ice cream," I said, knocking again. I heard her frantically say goodbye to whomever she was talking to, and almost rammed herself against the door to open it. "Give," She said, taking a carton and walking back into the room. I followed and sat down on her bed.

"How was the date?" She asked, a small drop of ice cream dripping down her chin.

I giggled and smeared it on her chin and neck. "It was... I. Heard some stories about Dan. Was informed that Dan hates cold strawberries, and... I learned nothing about Phil. But, I mean, it was a good date. It was fun."

She gave me a look. "So.... he only talked about Dan?" I nodded.

"I still like him though, I mean, enough to go on a second date and start dating him. He's a good guy. He cares..." I said, and she nodded, eating another scoop. "So how was Dan? What'd you guys chat about?"

"Phil."

"God I ship it."


	4. Gay Shit? More Likely Than You Think.

\--Joci--

It's been around three or four months since they started dating, and I'm going completely insane. After they finished the tour, Phil begged Dan to move back their flight so he could go back to Cali and stay with Jay for awhile. Dan, reluctantly, complied; and so, here we are. Phil and Jay snuggling and gigging on the couch, while Dan and I were glaring from the counter stools. Being jealous is getting really hard to do when they're actually really cute together. After another few hours of them giggling and talking, Dan decided it was time to go back to the hotel for awhile. Phil eventually found a way to pry himself away from his lovey, and they left. Jay didn't even say goodnight to me before going back to her room and going to sleep.

I'm getting pretty sick of this shit. We haven't posted a video in almost two weeks... We normally post three or four times a week. I've been getting so many tweets and DM's from fans asking if we were dead, or sick, and every time I've had to lie and tell them a video was underway.

I can tell pretty easily Dans getting pretty sick of it, too. He's told me about how Phil's becoming really distant, and easily distracted, and even more attached to his phone. More than usual, that is. He barely even speaks to Dan anymore. Normally, he told me, they wait for each other to get up every morning so they can watch Anime together and eat breakfast. Except Phil hasn't been waking up till noon for several days now. Dan told me he could hear Phil skyping Jay sometimes till around four or five in the morning. I never thought a girl could change someone so much... Especially Phil. Dan's starting to become moody, too. He barely eats, barely makes any videos anymore, and every time Jay is even mentioned in conversation he grimaces.

They're trapped in their own little world. Nothing else matters around them. Phil this and Phil that, God, even i'm getting sick of hearing the name 'Phil Lester'. I feel bad for Dan... Like i said before, Dan isn't Dan without Phil, but... Phil is becoming less and less Phil when he's with Dan. This has to stop... I'm not letting their stupid relationship mess up my friendship.

{To: Dad}

[I'm gonna talk to Jay tomorrow about our problem... I won't tell her anything about you loving Phil, tho.]

The response came quick

{From: Dad}

[Good... I'll talk to Phil tomorrow and we'll regroup. I don't know how much longer I can take moody Phil... He's not the guy I knew anymore, and it's only been a few weeks.]

*The Next Day*

I woke up to rustling around the apartment. It was daylight, so I didn't think anything of it. I groaned and unplugged my phone, standing and stretching before walking into the bathroom to pee. Jay was there, straightening her hair. She was in jeans, High boots, a blue sweater, and a scarf. I walked in and sat down on the toilet. "Whatcha doing there mate? Where are you goin' lookin' all snazzy."

"I and Phil have a date." She smiled, starting with another section of her hair. I rolled my eyes, wiping before pulling my pants back up and flushing, turning to face her.

"Again? It's the fourth time this week. Dude, we gotta make a video soon or we're gonna start losing subscribers..." She scoffed

"It's fiiiine, I'll only be gone for a few hours. Just... make one yourself."

"I can't. It's our shared channel for a reason. You have to do one with me." She unplugged the machine and put it back under the sink, fixing her hair before grabbing her keys.

"Whatever... I'll be back later." She snarked, close to walking out the door. I grabbed her hand, spinning her back to face me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? All you do is talk about Phil! What about me, I'm your best friend and you've barely talked to me other than to say some bitchy remark. Can you not for, like, two seconds?!" Her mouth was open a tad, small, breathless noises coming out. "Oh shut it, princess. If your boyfriend is so important to you then just leave!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And the door slammed. I sighed, walking over to the couch and put my head in my hands. I heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" I yelled.

Dan walked in. Tear tracks all down his face, and his eyes puffy. He was wearing a large, black sweatshirt and jeans. I immediately popped up and walked over, putting my hands on his cheeks and looking into his eyes. Because he's taller than me, I had to look up. He immediately burst into tears again, and I walked him over to the couch before wrapping him in a hug.

I don't think I've ever seen someone cry so hard. Not Jay, not Connor, not Ricky, and especially not Dan.

"What happened... Talk to me, boo." he looked up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and looking back up at me.

"He's moving out... when we get back to London he said he's gonna move out."

I was stunned. "Wait, what? Why? He can't just... But he's-"

"He doesn't care! He does not give a single shit about me anymore! Not about the fans, about the channels, about our own fucking friendship."

"Hun you know that's not true... He'll cool off, he cares, I promise. Just... tell me what happened."  
He nodded and wiped his nose. "I-I told him I didn't want him to go on the date because I missed him, and... he yelled, and we fought, and then... he left." He started, his arms going limp around his sweater. "He called me needy, and he said he thought I was creepy the first time we met. He told me he regretted ever... ever even agreeing to meet with me. What the hell am I gonna do, Joc? I love him.. I'm in love with him! He's my best friend, and... I don't know what I'll do if he actually leaves." I fixed a stray eyebrow hair and tilted his head till he was looking into my eyes. I raised both my eyebrows.

"Dani, listen to me and listen good. Phil Lester loves you. You're his best friend. I doubt that after almost 12 years of friendship he'll throw it all away. Give him time to cool, and if he's still acting like a turd I'll deal with it, got it?" He nodded and hugged me. He adjusted his sweater and curled his legs to his chest, planting his head on my shoulder.

"I need to tell you something, Joc. And... It's really important... I-I may or may not have done something I regret."

"Oh God, how hard did you punch him?"

"I didn't hurt Phil."


	5. A Gay Conclusion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a sequel to this that has nothing to do with this but I really enjoy it so i'll post that next.

\---Dan---

I have a history... A long history that no one, not even Phil, knows about. In one of my Internet Support Group videos, I told the world about how I didn't have a best friend for the first eighteen years of my life, and that I was a lonely teen. I had no one to stop me from making stupid decisions. And... that I did. I did a lot of stupid things as a teenager. I was sick. I was really really sick as a kid, and I still am. I have anxiety, and I used to be bulimic. I stood there with Joci, her eyes dazed and confused before she slowly lifted up my sweater sleeve. She let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God." She whispered, looking at my bare skin. She looked confused again. "So... who did you..."

I slowly lifted my shirt, and she looked upset. There were scars and bruises, and you could very easily see my ribs.

"Dan... the fuck..." I felt heat go through my body, and my eyes started to water again.

"I-I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I've been so busy being despondent over Phil that I haven't even thought about eating... I drink my fair share of water and chew gum as a substitute. I-I've been digging my nails into my arms and chest, and I'm so distracted that I keep running into everything, and falling all over the place." I sniffed, pulling the sweater back down and trying to keep my eye contact to a minimum as I rambled on about my problems. She kept a hand on my wrist, and her eyes kept darting back and forth to the ground and then back up at me, almost as if she's in shock. "I-I-I somehow convinced myself that the reason Phil fell for Jay is that she's not me, she's the complete opposite of me! The reason he loves her is that he hates me-"

"Dan," she stopped my rambling. "Don't you ever think for one Goddamned second, that that... stupid, amazingly lovable... IDIOT doesn't love you. He's angry, and at the moment is a huge, cockmunching dickbag, but God that boy loves you. Jay told me that the first time they went on a date together, all he talked about was you. Then the date after that, and the next one, and the next one. Phil noticed you stopped eating, he noticed your anger and your distantness! Why the hell would he notice those things if he didn't know you? If he didn't love you!?"

I felt my stomach tighten, along with my throat. My lip was quivering and I stood up, walking towards the table where my phone was, and bringing it over to Joc. "What's the plan... How do I get him back?" She smirked

"Oh Daniel," She sighed "You've always had him."

\---Phil---

"I'm so stupid, Jay..." I sighed, putting my hand over my eyes. My other hand was intertwined with hers in the middle of the table. She was somewhat pouting at me, her thumb gliding across my knuckles. Her hands were warm, and welcoming, except something... just didn't seem right. I've never felt completely comfortable around her. I love her, I do, and I've told her so many times, except... I don't think I'm in love with her. I don't know, something just doesn't seem exactly right. "I can't move out! He's my best friend, and... I love him. I honestly do, I can't leave him."

She sighed, taking her hand back and putting it in her lap. "Yeah... I fucked up, too." She said. "Phil I have a question."

I looked up at her, giving her a look and telling her to continue. "Are... Am I being a bitch? I mean... Joci said I was being.. Selfish, in a word." I thought for a minute, and now that I'm doing so, I realize that... I have been getting a little short with Dan. I've been giving him attitude and lot lately, and... I can't find myself to realize why.

"I don't think you're being rude, but....."

"But what?" She started again, eyes widened. "Oh god, I am being a bitch, aren't I? Oh my god, Joc, I'm so so sorry... I-I gotta go apologies, I need to tell her I'm sorry-" She was ruffling around and putting on her coat. I stopped her, standing and taking her hands.

"Hey... we'll fix this. I've been as mean to Dan as it gets, so we can apologize together." She sighed and nodded, slapping a ten dollar bill on the table to pay for our drinks, and walking out of the restaurant to get into her car. We both climbed in and made our way back to her shared apartment.

*Time skip*

Jay took a breath before pushing her key into the lock, twisting and pushing inward on the door. She walked in and threw her stuff down before marching over to Joci and pulling her into a hug. I walked in, too, surprised to find Dan there, with tear tracks all down his face. I felt my breath hitch, and I felt guilt run all throughout my body. I did that to him. It's my fault. We made eye contact.

Dan looked awful. His hair was unstraightened and hobbit-like; curly. If you looked closely you could see that his bottom eyelids were swollen, and his eyelashes were all tangled and messy. His clothes were wrinkled, and stained like he'd been wearing the same thing for a while. Now that I think about it, he was wearing the same thing yesterday. His lips were chapped, and he looked really pale. More pale than usual. His face was droopy and thin. I tuned out Jay apologizing to Joc and kept my attention on Dan. I walked up to him, and he walked up to me. We met in the middle, our eyes still locked on each other. I noticed Dan's normally vibrant brown eyes had become dull, and almost boring. They started to cloud, and a small tear made its way down the side of his face. He wiped it and wrapped his arms around my waist, tightening his grip along with pushing his body more against mine. Damn, he'd lost some weight. My arms trailed up torso and I hugged him back.

He kept whispering apologies until I shushed him, pulling back a tad. "I'm so sorry for being an ass Dan, I never meant to hurt you, i-i don't know what's going on with me lately, but I can't seem to focus, and I'm always cranky, and... I'm just so sorry for the way I treated you. I love you so much, mate" He looked up, and hugged me tighter, nodding his head to accept my apologies. I let out a sigh of relief, the tension slipping away. He tugged at my sleeve, asking with his eyes if we could talk somewhere else. I nodded and he led me to the back bedroom, Joci's, before shutting the door being him.

\---Joci---

Jay and I sat and joked, drinking our tea and talking, her apologizing every three seconds. We caught up, and she told me about Phil. She kept talking about how he's been distant and reserved. I smirked. "Do you think... "

She looked back at me, before finally understanding. "Oh my god... M-maybe..." She blushed, looking down. "Joc I got something to confess... i-i don't really love Phil."

I gave a look. 'Duh', I thought. "Oh... uh... W-why?" She looked up, setting down her glass and scooting closer to me. I gave her a confused look before she put a hand on my thigh. She leaned in, and I felt heat rising to my face before she kissed me gently. After several seconds, she pulled away and I looked at her, shocked.

"I'm not in love with him because... god dammit I'm in love with you."

\---Dan---

"Phil... I'm so sorry for forcing you away from your girlfriend, I know you love her, I just... I have to tell you something, Phil, and i-" He cut me off.

"Dan, it's not your fault, I was-"

"NO. God dammit, no! Sit your fucking ass down and let. Me. Speak." I growled, and he obliged. I took a breath. "Phil Lester, you hurt me so Goddamn bad. You made me think I wasn't worth it, that I was a horrible person, a horrible friend... But dammit you're still my best friend. I've never felt this way about someone. I remember, about seven years ago, you posted a video saying that you were waiting for someone to come into your life and change it. I remember thinking, that person's me. I swear on it. I also remember taking a three-hour train ride to Manchester to meet you... That was probably the best day of my life, Phil. I idolized you more than anyone could have ever imagined... After we moved in together, I remember a time when you fell asleep next to me on the couch, and I remember thinking... 'Shit, it was me. I was the guy'..." I was pacing, making embroidery hand gestures. He was stunned as I continued to ramble.

"Phil Lester, I've always felt needed around you. Like I was alive for a reason other than to fuck things up. You made me feel like a good person... You made me better, and I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me. Phil... You're such a great guy, and... Fuck, I'm so Goddamn in love with you. You're more than family to me... A day hasn't gone by where I haven't thought of kissing you, o-or holding you, or being able to publically call you my boyfriend. Or better yet, my husband! Because God Dammit Phil, you're my best friend, and I fucking love you."

He sat there, not saying a word. I felt the blood drain from my face when he went still. I let out a loud huff of air and sat down in the desk chair. "I'm bi, by the way."

"Yeah I got that." he chuckled, standing. "Well... Then i guess I better go talk to Jay then." I was shocked, "The fuck? About what?!"

He turned back to me and smirked, "I gotta go tell her I'm in love with my best friend, and that I have a boyfriend, so we can't go out anymore." He snickered, walking out of the room.

'Wait... That mother fucker.' I thought, laughing flippantly to myself. Phil Lester loves me back...

\---Phil---

I walked down the hallway, clearing my throat to get Jay's attention. She was sitting there, talking quietly to Joc. She turned and stood, walking up to me. "I gotta tell you something." She whispered, and I said the same back. We walked a little down the hallway. "Do you wanna go first, or should i..." I said, and she shrugged.

"Let's just say it at the same time." I nodded and counted down from three.

"I think we should break up." We both said, and both our eyes widened.

"I'm in love with my best friend." She said. I nodded.

"Me too." I smiled at her, and she smiled back. I pulled her into a quick hug before going back to the room Dan was in, and she turned and went back to the room with Jay.

Thank God everything worked out... Thank God everything working out... It is, right?


End file.
